Unfortunately, it is quite common that our emotional health is damaged from childhood.
We are often unaware of what blocks us, what makes us dizzy, and what causes us fear.
In the majority of cases, the origin is in these wounds which led to our first experiences with the world and which we could not treat.
Emotional wounds are painful childhood experiences that shape our adult personality, who we are, and how we deal with the adversities of life.
We must be aware of it and, thus, avoid making them up because the more time we take to treat them, the deeper they will be.
The fear of reliving the suffering that we have experienced makes us put on hundreds of masks that make our movements even more difficult in life. This is precisely what we must avoid.
Treason, humiliation, mistrust, abandonment, injustice … These are some of the wounds that Lisa Bourbeau tells us in her book The Five Injuries that prevent you from being yourself.
In this article, we will try to identify them:
1. The fear of abandonment
Abandonment is the worst enemy of someone who lived it as a child.
Imagine the pain a child feels when he feels lonely, isolated and unprotected in a world he does not know.
As a result, when the abandoned child becomes an adult, he tries to prevent reliving that abandonment.
Thus, all those who have experienced it will tend to abandon their spouse and their projects early.
It responds, solely and exclusively to the fear that one has to relive this suffering.
It is very common that these people speak and think in this way: “I leave you before you leave me”, “No one supports me, I am not willing to endure it”, “If you leave, do not come back “…
These people will have to work their fear of loneliness, their fear of being abandoned and their rejection in the face of physical contact (hugs, kisses, sexual contacts …).
This injury is not easy to heal, but a good start to heal it can be to face fear alone, until a positive and hopeful inner dialogue emerges.
2. The fear of refusal
This injury prevents us from accepting our feelings, thoughts and experiences.
Its appearance in childhood is caused by the refusal of progenitors, family, and relatives.
The pain that arises from this injury prevents the proper construction of the self-esteem and self-esteem of the person who suffers from it.
This generates a thought of refusal, and one tends to devalue oneself.
This rejected child does not feel deserving about affection or understanding, and isolates himself for fear of reliving that suffering.
It is possible that the adult who has been a rejected child is a fugitive person. That’s why he has to work internal fears that generate panic situations.
If this is your case, take care of yourself, risk yourself and make decisions for yourself.
You are the only person you need to live.
This injury is caused when we feel that others are disapproving or criticizing us.
We can create these problems in our children by telling them that they are clumsy, bad or even annoying, as well as evoking their problems in front of others (something that is unfortunately very common).
Without a doubt, this destroys infantile self-esteem and makes it difficult to cultivate a healthy self-esteem.
The type of personality that derives from humiliation is often a dependent personality.
In addition, we may have learned to be tyrannical and selfish as a defense mechanism, or even to humiliate others, as a protective shield.
the fact of having suffered from this type of experience requires working on one’s independence, freedom, understanding of one’s needs and fears, as well as one’s priorities.
4. Treason or the fear of trust
This injury begins when people close to the child do not fulfill their promises, creating the feeling of treason and deception.
As a result, it leads to a mistrust that can turn into envy and other negative feelings, because we do not feel deserving of what we have been promised and what others have.
Suffering from these problems in childhood builds perfectionist personalities that control everything.
These are people who want everything to be planned, without leaving any chance to chance.
If you have suffered from this type of problem in childhood, it is likely that you feel the need to exercise some control over others.
This is often justified by the presence of a strong character. However, we only obey a defense mechanism.
These people often confirm their mistakes in their actions, making sure that their organization always goes the way they want.
They must work patience, tolerance and good manners and must learn to be alone and to delegate responsibilities.
The feeling of injustice comes into play in homes where the protectors of the child are cold and authoritarian.
Excessive demand generates feelings of inefficiency and uselessness, both during childhood and adulthood.
Albert Einstein summed it up very well in his well-known phrase: “Everyone has the potential of a genius but if you judge a fish on his ability to climb a tree, he will think all his life that he is stupid. “.
Thus, the person who experiences this pain can become rigid and not accept half-done things.
They are people who are trying to be very important and who want a lot of power.
It is likely that you developed a kind of fanaticism for order, for perfectionism and even for chaos.
They are people who become radicalized and who therefore have difficulty making reasonable decisions.
To cope with these problems, we must work with suspicion and mental rigidity, with the aim of generating greater flexibility and more confidence in others.
Now that you know the five soul wounds that can affect our well-being, our health, and our ability to develop as people, you can begin to heal them.
The first step is to accept that injuries are part of us, to give us permission to get upset and, most importantly, to give us time to overcome them.