Manipulation is becoming more common in today’s world. We are manipulated by power, we are manipulated by the media and of course we are manipulated in our interpersonal relationships.
Indeed, we often meet real masters of manipulation in our daily environment.
Handling is a form of emotional blackmail. One behavior is started to push the other to think, feel or act, without realizing it, the way the manipulator wants him to do it.
And this is the big problem of manipulation: it is a hidden behavior that is not always detectable for the victim. This is why many bite the hook and end up letting the manipulators get their way.
“The basic instrument for manipulating reality is the manipulation of words. If you can control the meaning of the words, you can control the people who use those words. ”
That’s why it’s very important to learn to identify tactics that manipulators use. We offer below 7 ways to identify an expert in handling.
They make you feel guilty and you do not know why
An expert on manipulation constantly resorts to victimization. It is very likely that the manipulators have a “boilerplate trauma”, that is, a difficult episode in their lives that they all the time go out as a justification for everything they do wrong.
“Difficult childhood”, “ungrateful children”, “bad luck” and other styles are their favorites. We discover that they exhibit with a certain pride these emotional scars and that they even end up boasting about them.
If, for example, you reproach them for their lack of consideration, they respond by saying something like: “You get angry because I’m not picky, but me, my father abandoned me when I I was three years old. “That’s how they disarm you.
Who can be so insensitive as to blame someone who has had to live with such a trauma? That’s how they reason and they play it.
They subtly threaten you
The indirect threat is one of the tactics that manipulators use most frequently. It has been used and is always observable among great leaders to small domestic tyrants.
This tactic involves predicting the worst possible outcome that one of your behaviors can cause.
“If you keep eating like that, in less than 6 months, you’ll look like a whale.” They do not want you to eat and they probably have no medical argument to certify what they’re saying but they just do not want you to act that way.
Maybe it bothers them to see how happy you are to eat a delicious ice cream, or maybe they think you are spending too much money on food.
However, they do not tell you openly, and they limit themselves to predicting an unpleasant consequence.
They minimize what you do through sarcasm
If there is one thing that manipulators hate, it is direct communication. In general, they use sarcasm to ridicule you or minimize the value of your thoughts, feelings, or actions.
The manipulator wants others to feel inferior and not trust them.
Here is an example: they send you an apparently nice message, but that contains a pretty aggressive content: “Maybe if you read a little more, you would be more selective in your friends.” When we translate, it means: “You you are an uneducated person, that’s why your friends are poor devils. ”
The victim of the manipulator sometimes comes to believe that such remarks are a way to help people improve.
When someone wants to help another person, he uses direct and sincere communication. And besides, he does not despise her, but gives him concrete advice.
They are almost always charmers
Typical manipulators know that “one always strokes a dog in the direction of the hair.” Normally, they begin their trickery by being pleasant and charming.
They make you full of compliments and give you the impression of having exquisite tastes, an exciting conversation and a great “sensitivity” to your expectations.
This is a first act. In the second act, things start to change. When they convinced you to be nice people, they come to manipulate you by a demonstration of infinite charm.
They have thrown on you a sort of seduction net and you can not free yourself from it and evaluate it objectively.
You will see what they are doing well and even if doubts are assaulting you from time to time, this person will always find a way to remind you that “we can not have a bad opinion of someone which is really fantastic.
They proclaim themselves judges of your life
Without knowing how, the manipulator suddenly becomes a kind of “spiritual guide” of your life. They are extremely skilled when they tell people how to live, although they do not practice everything they advocate.
They give you advice or they bring you great philosophical maxims. They show you what you need to do, step by step.
If that does not work, they blame you. They told you what you had to do, so it was you who did not follow the directions they generously offered you.
A good friend, a good advisor does not tell you what you need to do. It helps you discover it yourself, because everyone is different, and an answer that is appropriate for one person may not be appropriate for a second person. Those who love you want you to be free, not dependent.
They are good at talking, but also to change the subject
Manipulation experts are often also experts in the art of speech. They use fluid and flowery speech. They always have an unexpected and cunning argument available, even if it is based on a lie.
If they ridicule you, saying for example: “With this dress, you look like a penguin” and you get angry, they will immediately add: “Sorry, I did not believe that you took so badly jokes”.
They win all the time, whatever happens. They are magicians in the art of making fools.
If you point them out, they probably will not answer you. They will deflect the conversation on other topics and, without you realizing it, they will talk about things that have nothing to do with what you originally asked them to do.
They easily return a situation in their favor
They know how to return situations in their favor: that is to say, if they break a window, it is you who will eventually pay the repairs and apologize.
Another very classic example of this type of behavior is the husband who has just been caught by his wife after committing an infidelity.
When the woman shows him the note of the motel she has just found in one of his pockets, he gets angry and accuses him of watching him and rummaging through his personal belongings. He then launches into a speech about the importance of trust in a relationship and respect for everyone’s space.
In the end, the woman feels so bad that she apologizes for wanting to control him so much, and the subject of infidelity eventually appears as a misunderstanding that should never have been