We should value only those people who value us, and not prioritize those for whom we are only an option.
If most of the time it is a difficult thing to do, it is usually because we often hope that egoism will turn into recognition and mutual interest.
However, when we adopt such a philosophy, in fact, we pass the wills of others before our well-being, we hide the face to not see the evidence, and we do not listen to our emotional needs; in short, one is the prisoner of the selfishness of the other.
With such ideas, we ruin our present to feed hopes of change that never happen, often because of the memory of a past that has no future.
Even in a fleeting and intermittent way, in any case, we are able to realize that something is wrong in our relationships, that we all change, and that with time, we show ourselves in a new light. less friendly and more interested.
Those who learn with time
A text attributed to different authors (including Borges or Shakespeare) is a wonderful reflection of everything we can learn in our lifetime.
It’s a good exercise to read it, to understand what it means, and to see what can change or become aware of in order to improve our relationships.
Over time, I learned the subtle difference between taking someone’s hand and chaining a soul.
Over time, I learned that to love is not to rely on someone, and it is not because we are with someone that we are safe.
With time … I started to understand that kisses are not contracts, and that gifts are not promises.
Over time, I learned that being with someone because it gives us access to a bright future implies that sooner or later we will want to find our past.
Over time … you realize that getting married only because “time is running out” is a clear warning that your marriage will fail.
Over time I realized that only those who are able to love you with your faults, without pretending to change you, can bring you all the happiness you desire.
Over time, you realize that if you are with this person only to not be alone, irretrievably you will end up not wanting to see her again.
Over time, you realize that true friends are worth more than all the gold in the world.
Over time, I realized that true friends can be counted on the fingers of the hand, and that whoever does not fight for them sooner or later will be surrounded by only false friends.
Over time, I have learned that what you can say when you are angry can continue to hurt those to whom you have addressed them throughout their lives.
In time, I learned to excuse everything, but forgiveness is reserved for great souls …
Over time, I realized that if you have hurt a friend badly, most likely the friendship between you will never be the same again.
Over time, you realize that even if you are happy with your friends, one day you will cry for those who let you go.
Over time, you realize that every experience lived with a person is unique.
Over time, you realize that anyone who humiliates or despises a human being sooner or later will suffer four times more of the same humiliation or scorn.
Over time, I learned to build all my paths in the present, because the terrain of the future is too uncertain for us to make plans.
Over time, I realized that if we force things, in the end, all we will reap is that they will not happen within the framework that we would have hoped for.
Over time, you realize that in fact, the best is not the future, but the moment that you are living.
Over time, you will see that even if you are happy with those who are with you, you will regret terribly those who yesterday were with you and who today are gone.
Over time, I’ve learned to try to forgive or ask forgiveness, tell someone you love them, tell them you’re missing, tell them you need them, tell them you’re like to be his friend … in front of a grave … it does not make any sense …
But unfortunately … we only understand this with time.
What is certain is that for some things, time is our great master, because thanks to him, we take a distance on things, and we value our past mistakes, our expectations and our demands in relation to to others, but also to ourselves.
But that does not mean that time says everything or that it heals all wounds.
It is up to us to negotiate the feelings of our internal dialogue, clearly referring to our personal conflicts derived from the selfishness of others.
This means taking a stand and reaffirming without letting others take advantage of us for fear of rejection or clash.
This is called assertiveness and is one of the basic building blocks of our self-esteem and personal identity.
Learn to offer your absence to those who do not appreciate your presence
Probably we are aware of all this, but when the hour of truth comes, we are unable to cope with social pressure.
Indeed, it is quite normal that a profit situation takes away our self-esteem and our will.
However, there is no point in worrying too much, since if you are assertive and you put forward your opinions as well as your feelings, you can learn in effort and motivation.
Since it is impossible to recreate a life without risk, the ideal is to imagine these situations that would result potentially dangerous for us, and to wonder how we can cope with them without fall into aggression or passivity (otherwise, we train in our imagination).
In this way, when a situation of inequality takes place and we notice that someone tries to take advantage of us or to cancel our will by his egoism, we will feel less helpless, and we will be more able to lead to what we have imagined, in order to pass from words to deeds.
We then anticipate problems, and we become more aware of the fact that relationships must be based on reciprocity, not on diminishing our identity and our self-esteem in favor of that of others.
It is important that we learn to say NO, to assert our presence and to seek in ourselves an ally to face these relations based on the inequality and selfishness of people who think only of themselves.