I’m not so bad, I swear. I discovered people who make me laugh. I knew how to find myself, when you’re not there in the morning at coffee time, or in the evening when I come back from work and there is no one left in the apartment.
I’m not so bad, believe me. I’m fine, even if I think I see you a tenth of a second in every cafe, and I need a moment to recover my wits. I say to you: if you are no longer there, I still carry you to the bottom of my heart.
I’m fine, I opened my arms to fill them with new memories, in which you do not appear. And yet I confess it to you: I do not have enough of it yet to be cold in my heart.
You’re gone, even though I still see you
Writing is the hardest and most courageous way I could find to tell you that I miss you terribly, but that I need to live with myself, just as you do without me.
If we can not be both, I must learn to be myself. The only person who has to accompany me is me.
You have not been here for a long time, although I can continue to see you wherever I go.
You know it, they keep that tenderness that I had for them when we went together, when we were both happy there.
Because despite all that could hurt us, these places heard us laugh sincerely.
It’s hard not to see you anymore, but the best advice we can take is to be as strong as when we decided to start seeing each other.
It’s not the same thing because we were together, but we can do it, I can do it.
I release you from me
I have also been told that, and this is the true meaning of what I write to you, the best way to end pain is to free it.
Without rancor and without hate, I offer you all the freedom you need: I do not refer to what is already established, to the fact that you are no longer there. But to truly free you, without guilt or remorse, without tears.
For the moment, the best thing is that we forget everything: Sundays at home, films we saw together and during which I slept, meals that we will not share anymore.
Let us leave our unfulfilled dreams, your smiles that soothed my bad moods, our sadness, our happiness. Let’s turn the page.
Say goodbye to the cities we have seen together, the first times that are forever, to what I have taught you and what you have transmitted to me. Let’s start from scratch.
I release you from me, in the same way that I can free myself from all the places we have seen together one day, and that I will not see.
I leave without knowing everything that happened, because I know it is obligatory that I do it if I do not want to get rid of myself. I’m sure you agree with me.
If we can not be as we wish, the best thing to do is to be different. And if we can not do it, we have to leave each other on our own.
Today I release you
I release you from me,
From my pains,
From those endless Sunday evenings,
From my fear of birthdays,
Not knowing how to offer you something
Without you losing it or having it already.
I release you from my disappointment,
From your karma,
From my news,
This contradiction that invades me
And what I represent.
I release you from my calls,
From my knots,
From my hair,
Smooth, long and ruffled
Who tangled in your fingers and hurt me.
I release you from my conscience,
From my falls, from my successes,
From this leak.
I release you from these suspension points,
Questions and exclamations,
Of all the spelling rules that exist and will exist.
I release you from this door that you ended up closing,
Because you’re going,
Because you leave me,
Because you see me from afar and you love me less from day to day,
Even if it hurts me deep in my heart. ”