Three “ordinary” male representatives turn to women to reveal the subtleties of their operation. In a book not so futile …
How to quickly know what a man has in mind and avoid getting bogged down in a dead-end story? Literature, poetry and psychoanalysis have constantly questioned the feminine desire, held for the greatest enigma of the universe. As if the masculine psyche, him, was transparent! Fortunately, a book fills this gap: What men want. Its authors: Bradley Gertsman, 30, lawyer, Christopher Pizzo, 29, chartered accountant and Rich Seldes, 30, doctor. Three “ordinary” male representatives who, from their own experience, answer all the questions a woman asks herself when she meets a man. A Bible! Where the extent to which gentlemen are unsure of themselves and fear of rejection is measured. Hence their sometimes enigmatic behavior …
1) What happens in the mind of a man who meets a woman?
When he spots a “special person”, every man instantly becomes nervous and his heart rate picks up. Anxious, he hesitates: “I’m going there, I’m not going in. If I go, she’ll push me away and I’ll be ridiculous … Is it a ring on her finger, is she alone in life?” He has always been taught that it is up to the man to take the first step, a matter of education. The “snag” is that men are as – if not more – subjects than women with the fear of refusal: “Even if a man is sure of himself, superbly handsome, or if he succeeds in life, the fear of being rejected wins, his past conquests are of no use to him, so long as he still does not know what you are going to say, do or think, “say our authors. Thus, a man can staring at a woman all evening, without deciding to go to her. To the point of inciting her to think that she was mistaken about the meaning of this look …
Another terrifying element for a man, even “when one darts glances to make a saint blush”: the horde of girlfriends or “friend-cerber”.
A tip: get rid of these annoying as soon as possible if you want to get to know each other.
2) How to multiply the chances of seeing it again?
Spontaneity, a touch of seduction, a zest of humor and a lot of kindness, recommends the book. Do not occupy the front of the stage: he must believe that the star is him! Send physical signals: looks, smiles, etc. Do not hesitate to be explicit: “I’m glad we met, we should go together to see this movie you told me about.” If he does not ask for your phone after one or two allusions of this kind forget it: you do not interest him!
3) Why is he late calling?
After getting the phone number of a woman, a man does not fantasize with delight on the next appointment. His only concern is: “If I call him, how am I going to be welcomed, will I make him feel good?” Again the fear of rejection! When a lady pleases a gentleman, it is said that he remembers her two or three days after the first meeting. If he does not contact you immediately, do not panic: lacking confidence, he could delay the call to not look addicted.
4) Why did he never call me back?
You had a wonderful evening, you flirted and decided to see you again soon, yet he does not remember …
a) Perhaps you have talked to him too much about your ex: too much to prove your availability or your need for a consoling shoulder, he thought he had a rival impossible to dislodge. “A man sees himself as initiator and motor of the relationship”; if he does not have the feeling of controlling the situation, he can decide to stop there.
b) Perhaps he never had the intention: he just wanted to test on you his power of seduction.
c) Perhaps, already engaged in another relationship, he wanted to afford an evening of freedom …
5) When to agree to spend a first night with him?
He insists on making you share his bed, reminds you that we are in the twentieth century and it is time to get rid of obsolete taboos. Not so sure ! Before accepting, it is better to wait for the fifth appointment, recommend the authors (Americans, do not forget it!): “A man is not indignant in any way to expect women a much stricter sexual morality than the one he applies to himself. “In terms of sex, men are more conservative than they seem. Virginity is no longer a virtue in the West, but these gentlemen, even if they swear to the contrary, still have trouble imagining that another, before them, was able to enjoy their partner: “And if he had been more capable than me? “… In fact, they are constantly suspicious of their manhood.
6) Is this a purely sexual encounter?
A woman is entitled to make this observation:
– if his partner is never available on weekends;
– if he always signs at the last moment (he certainly has multiple relationships);
– if he keeps repeating to you: “I am not ready for a serious relationship.” You can complete by: “… with you”.
It should not be forgotten that “a man knows almost immediately – more or less consciously – if the woman with whom he is leaving is likely to become his companion one day”. If, after two appointments, he does not reach this conclusion, declare our authors, he will never be able to imagine living with her!
The new agencies
Intimidated? Let yourself be coached by a “heart hunter”. Good news: to face the boycott of marriage agencies accused of exorbitant prices for disappointing results, professionals (1), renamed “heart hunters”, decided to use coaching to prepare their customers for the meeting.
– First step: a personalized emotional assessment. We establish an inventory of your emotional journey to define your goal sentimental and achieve it. The goal: to gain more discernment in your choices so as not to make any mistake in referrals.
– Second stage: intensive courses to fill your gaps. Choice: “Better communicate with others”, “Understand all the relationships between men and women”, “Seduction, how to use” … Objective: acquire the means of your dreams.
– Third step: a preparation for the first appointment. You will never have the opportunity to make a first impression twice. In addition to a makeover, you are given advice to look good (do not monopolize the floor, do not criticize his ex so as not to scare your interlocutor, etc.).
Katherine Pancol: “Women do not want to engage as before”
In I was there before, the pretty impertinent became serious. “I can not love men,” said his heroine from the outset who knows the happiness of the body but inexorably breaks any engagement of the heart. The opportunity to question the author.
Your book, like many recent movies, New Eve for example, shows women who refuse to engage. Why ?
Men and women do not become involved anymore because they do not understand each other anymore. Women have evolved so much in their minds, in their bodies, in their freedom, that they no longer support being treated as when they were only objects, reproduction, decoration or pleasure. They claim a soul, a personality, contradictions. Like men. I do not think they want to engage anymore. They simply do not want to engage as before. They have become much more demanding.
One has the impression that the more sexuality is trivialized, the more love is idealized. Is that why he becomes inaccessible?
The sexuality is perhaps simpler, more direct, the woman expressing her desire, but the heart is there too, throbbing. In women, I think the two are walking together. They do not separate the heart and the body. It would be rather a man’s conduct. Women dream and still suffer as much. They want to find everything in one man. And it is in this that they have illusions.
Do you feel any differences between this generation and the baby-boomers you know well?
The feminine identity is not a question of generation but of centuries and centuries to make things happen. It has taken hundreds of years to have the right to vote, to abort, to choose one’s place of residence, the school of one’s children … Yet, look at the society of today. How many women really have power? Very little. Is this normal? No. Men will have to learn to respect women, to borrow women’s values. So that the world finally looks like the people who inhabit it. And it will take time!