Love sickness exists and its victims number in the thousands. Because there are people addicted to relationships who abandon their dignity and self-esteem every day in the lost-property room to live with an emotional attachment that is as toxic as it is destructive. These profiles are characterized by a clear emotional immaturity; love quickly turns into a bitter substitute with serious side effects.
People who are addicted to affective relationships will never create a healthy and happy bond: they only create hostages. They erect, on a daily basis, scenes of unappreciated captivity, a quadrilateral of suffering in which values, moral, emotional and even psychological principles are sacrificed.
Thus, and as usually happens with all other kinds of addiction, it is not easy to give up a habit that feeds on a fierce need: to be part of someone’s life, to bow to a person to feel fulfilled and satisfied. When the brain gets used to this dynamic, this substitute of love or this poisoned drug, it is very difficult to get away from the routine …
You have to love being free: I do not need you, I prefer you, I choose you.
How are people addicted to relationships?
People who are addicted to affective relationships are just like everyone else. They have their work, their personal environment, their tastes, their passions, their qualities, their defects. It means a very simple thing: addiction to love has no age or status. It does not discriminate and can appear in each of us, without us even realizing it. We sometimes do not see that our sentimental relationship has clearly addictive components.
If we deepen this point that conforms to the essence of our emotional needs, we will realize one thing. The first is that there are two types of people addicted to relationships. Type 1 refers to those who still need to be in a relationship. Their principle would be the following: “we do not fall in love with who we want but from whom we can; the important thing is to love, to have someone “.
The hooker number 2 clings to a relationship as soon as it starts. He will not abandon it, and it does not matter whether it is painful or breaks all the cements of his dignity. As a result, Type 1 and Type 2 addicts have common characteristics: fear of loneliness, lack of clear identity, lack of self-esteem, constant search for affection and validation of others. This drifts towards extreme behaviors that are done in order to maintain the relationship. These people are extremely anxious when they realize that something is wrong.
All of this symptomatology that affects people addicted to relationships has almost the same pattern as a substance abuse disorder. The brain needs this dose of obsessive attachment, this nutrient that brings us the other. Even though it is often an adulterated and toxic love. In this way, we gradually become unable to regulate our behavior. And reach extreme situations: anxiety disorders, eating disorders, suicide attempts …
What can people addicted to relationships do to end this dynamic?
It is very difficult to stop smoking while we still have a cigarette in our hand. It will be very difficult for us to end a relationship if we keep the same ideas and drug us with this affective nicotine that destroys self-esteem.
Some begin therapy by complaining of always falling in love with the wrong people. Of those who do the most harm. It’s as if their brain is programmed to fall into the same dynamics of pain. Instead of learning from the past and from bad experiences, these people drift again and again to similar situations. Why ? Why is it so difficult to stop these behaviors?
Simply because they have not yet understood the repercussion of this “love addiction”. Because they are vulnerable, have low self-esteem and unhealthy attachment needs. They need to work a series of key aspects. Here they are.
How to deal with my emotional addiction ?
- It is necessary to recognize his addiction to affective relationships and its consequences. Let’s be honest with ourselves and recognize that something is wrong. Let’s open our eyes and practice emotional realism.
- It must be understood that the psychic and emotional tendon of any relationship is respect and self-respect. Without them, we deserve neither to love nor to be loved. The one who does not respect himself is neglected and ends up crumbling.
- It is essential to understand another aspect. Attachment, the obsessive need to have someone with us at any price and in any situation, however painful, corrupts us as people. It degrades us and destroys all our potential.
- Very often, we turn our desires into needs. Behind the phrase “I want to be loved” are often hidden necessities that need to be explored and understood. If I need recognition, validation or loneliness at all costs, I must not look for hostages to satisfy my desires. I must first fill these dimensions alone.
People who are addicted to affective relationships have to take a step and ask themselves a simple question: what do I prefer, love sickness or emotional health? If the second option is chosen, only one path is possible. A seemingly simple path that requires deep internal work. It’s about working on your self-esteem, building a deep, precious and brilliant dignity that can liberate you and create rewarding bonds without the slightest hostage. Relationships with free people who choose to put together a project.