To argue with your lover is the worst – let’s be honest, we want to go straight to reconciliation on the pillow.
But, according to a recent study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, rather than trying to win every argument with your debating talent, there’s a better way to get by. Just say the phrase “I see where it comes from”.
To find this pearl, the researchers asked couples to discuss “hot” topics in a laboratory environment. Regardless of the reason they bickered (or won), people who felt their partner understood their point of view were happier about their relationship overall, the study revealed.
Luckily, there are a few phrases you can add to your arsenal to defuse the crises in your relationship. Saying something like “I can see where it comes from” or “I understand” suggests to your partner that even if you do not agree, you do not take it for a fool.
“I see where it comes from” is the best sentence to resolve a conflict for two reasons: it shows that you listen to the other and that validates his point of view, says Rebecca Hendrix, a couple therapist in New York.
In other words, it neutralizes the game of accusations and tells your partner that you are listening (and that you are not just looking for the next spiritual answer). “Most of the time, it’s about holding on too tightly to our way of seeing things that keeps the tension going with the other,” Hendrix says. If you are open to the other’s point of view, it becomes a discussion, not a dispute. ”
And, do not worry, reconciliation on the pillow is still relevant.