With this tale about the role of attachment in the couple, I’d like us to think about the mechanisms of uncertain attachment, how they hurt us, and how they affect us when we try to control and to dominate the other, taking love as an excuse.
Ponder this. What are the differences between love and attachment? Why are we confusing them? How dependent attachment can negatively affect our relationships?
When we are attached to something, there is always fear, the fear of losing that thing; there is always this feeling of insecurity ”
A prince spent his days staring out the window waiting for something to happen.
He had only one servant with him, who took charge of shopping and cleaning the chateau. “What a boring life!” He sighed.
One an April morning, a swallow landed on the edge of her window. “Oh!”, He exclaimed, “What a small and delicate creature!” The swallow offered him a brief melody and left. The prince remained amazed: he found that his song was the most beautiful, and that his plumage was the most original in the world. A unique being!
The swallow came back
From that day, the prince waited impatiently for his return. This long-awaited day came and the swallow came back to sing another song.
He felt really lucky. “Is she cold?” He wondered right after she took off.
The third time the bird came back, the prince wondered if she was hungry.
He spent the next few days building a little house for the swallow. He sent his servant to buy wood and nails and to hunt insects.
Finally, after several unfortunate attempts, he finally ordered him to build the house as well. “Cursed bird,” murmured the servant.
He put in insects and water, in addition to silk cloths which served as a bed.
When he saw how the swallow was landing on the ledge, he approached the little house and he took pleasure in seeing how she drank the water and she ate heartily the food he had prepared for her.
“Do you like these insects, my sweet swallow?” He asked him. “I chased them for you,” he added. With a slight trin, the swallow seemed to acquiesce before flying off again.
Anxiety then invades him. What if she never came back? And if she found a better home to shelter?
Perhaps other princes had built better houses or hunted insects themselves. He could not accept it. There were not two swallows like that in the world!
The prince spent two days without sleeping and only thinking about it until he decided to use that expectation to make a door with a padlock for the little house.
The swallow – as always – came back, and when she came in to taste the food, the prince shut her up. “I love you,” he confessed, “and with me you’ll never be short of water or food and you will not be cold.”
A little confused, the swallow allowed herself to be shut up by the prince for convenience.
She appreciated the warmth of her home and the availability of food within her reach without having to browse between the plantations until she found them.
The prince placed the cage on his bedside table to greet her every morning, caressing her head. “You are my swallow, sing me a song, my pretty,” he asked him.
“This life is not so bad,” thought the swallow. And she sang. But with time, her music became more and more stifled until she became dumb.
The golondre loses his voice
– Do not you sing anymore? Asked the prince, astonished. – I was happy when you sang.
– My song was inspired by the current of the river, the sound of the wind in the trees, the reflection of the moon in the rocks of the mountain.
When I was happy, I made you listen to my song, but now, in this cage, I can not find any inspiration.
– I do that because I love you – said the prince. – It’s dangerous that you fly there alone. And if you have an accident? And if you can not find food? What if a hunter shoots you?
– Who ? What is a hunter? – she asked.
– I take care of you and I protect you. Here you are safe from all dangers.
One day the prince awoke with a start. He went to caress the swallow and he found her dead.
Angered, he went to fetch his servant and he sent him away because for him it was probably one of the insects he had hunted that was responsible for his death.
Finding a culprit did not comfort the prince, who felt even more lonely and disinherited than before the appearance of the swallow.
Until another settles on his window and sings a song: the prettiest he had heard in his life.
Houses with padlocks that tarnish love
This tale talks about how attachment works in relationships and shows us how, very often, our fears and fears take precedence over the desires and rights of others.
He tells us a fact: by transforming the people we know, we often remove them from their essence, from their happiness. All this for them and without realizing it.
Faced with a situation of loneliness or emptiness, we can show responsibility for going out on our own or taking responsibility for our spouse by establishing a relationship of dependency.
Attachment can disturb us by exaggerating the qualities of the beloved and transforming it into a unique and irreplaceable being, increasing anxiety by imagining its possible loss.
By using the excuse of his protection or well-being, we can manage to deprive the other of his freedom.
This is a tale about attachment, but it’s also a tale about love.
To love is to accept and respect the way of being of the other, to wish happiness before the satisfaction of our needs and to let it fly when it is necessary, if it is – like the swallow – what makes it happy.
* Original tale of Mar Pastor.