Have you ever wondered what happens when you connect to another person, and soon after discover things you do not like? Jacques Lacan‘s mirror theory helps us understand this process. According to the author, the construction of our personal identity occurs through self-capture in other people. In this way, the relationships we maintain with others are reflections or projections of aspects of our personality that we like or dislike.
What is the mirror theory?
Just as there are parts of our body and our image that we do not like when we look at ourselves in a mirror, there are aspects of our personality that we do not accept. We find in others reflections that we do not accept, all this matter being repressed by our unconscious. In other words, we identify in ourselves some traits that we like least about others, even if only symbolically. So, in part, what we do not like about others is also disliked here.
We are constantly projecting a part of our being. Thus, the mirror theory is a vision that proposes a change of point of view: instead of thinking that we must protect ourselves from the other so that it does not hurt us, we have this vision that gives rise to question “Why am I experiencing this situation with this person and what part of her that I can not bear is in me? “. Since, in general, we are not able to see our own shadows or virtues, life offers us the gift of relationships that we live to show us directly what is hidden in us. The other simply serves as a mirror: it reflects us and gives us the opportunity to find ourselves.
Mirror direct or inverted
Mirror theory can act directly or inversely. Let’s take an example. Imagine that you can not stand the egoism of your companion or friend. Directly, you may be projecting that part of you that is selfish and you reject. Conversely, this person may reflect how unimportant you are to your interests. You may depend too much on others and put them before you. One way or another, the other brings us very valuable information to our knowledge and our evolution.
You may think that your boss is too demanding with you. You yourself may be very demanding and perfectionist with yourself and your leader is nothing but a reflection of this requirement that you self-impose. On the other hand, it is possible that you are too tolerant and that you need a little rigor in your life. And we know that virtue is in balance.
What I do not like about you, I correct it in me.
We do not cure anything with a bandage. When we hurt ourselves, we express our pain first; then, when we are calmed, we clean the wound and look after it with the proper tools. Do not hide it and do not forget it will never heal in this way. We must control it until it is fully healed. The same thing happens with other types of injuries.
We all have emotional wounds. Emotional wounds are all those emotions, feelings, thoughts, and actions that are born during one or more painful moments in our lives that we have not been able to overcome and accept. We became prisoners of these emotions by keeping ourselves in a fictional prison. Our well-being depends on the transformation of these emotions and ways of thinking into wisdom and experiences, so that they serve as a driving force for us to move forward.
Injuries as a reflection
When we forget our wounds, they end up staying in our subconscious and influencing our thoughts, moods and behaviors. Emotional deficiencies begin to reside within our being, which come from our early childhood but wake up and / or strengthen when we do not care.
Thus, very often, we find in our spouse-deficiency very similar to ours. And that is precisely what causes the union. For example, two people who have suffered greatly for love meet and discover that love is not synonymous with suffering. The same injury united this couple. Both people work as reflections. But it is necessary to advance with caution because the wounds that unite can also separate.
If each member of the couple does not heal their wounds, they will sooner or later deteriorate the relationship. Insecurities, fears, jealousy, possessiveness … It’s as if life is trying to send you reflections to indicate the path on which you must advance in order to grow. If you do not analyze them and do not pay attention to the information they give you, you will not evolve – or do it, but more slowly – and your relationships will be more fragile. That is why the links we maintain with others, taking into account the mirror theory, can provide us with very valuable information about ourselves and the state of these wounds that we do not yet have. integrated into our history.